My dogs been missing for …
My dogs been missing for a week and I’ve had to put some posters up. He’s blind, got 3 legs, deaf in 1 ear and has aids, answers to the name, lucky.
Continue ReadingMy new girlfriend just fo …
My new girlfriend just found out that I’m 42. She said, “You told me that you were 28 and a half!” I said, “I am if you think about it.”
Continue ReadingContact lenses are easy t …
Contact lenses are easy to lose, so keep your eyes on them.
Continue ReadingHeard about the dentist t …
Heard about the dentist that started on the manicurist? They fought tooth and nail.
Continue ReadingI used to be a reconstruc …
I used to be a reconstructive plastic surgeon, but I just couldn’t face it any more.
Continue Reading“D’you want another beer? …
“D’you want another beer?” “Just a wee one.” “Fosters, then?”
Continue ReadingA man saw a sign in the w …
A man saw a sign in the window of a restaurant that read “Exotic Breakfast” so he walked in and sat down. The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted. “What’s your Exotic Breakfast?” he asked. “Baked tongue of chicken!” she proudly replied. “Baked tongue of chicken? Do you have any […]
Continue ReadingWhy do fish swim in salty …
Why do fish swim in salty water? Because pepper makes them sneeze
Continue ReadingI work as a P.E teacher a …
I work as a P.E teacher and I have to say the girls are very good at cross-country running. But I will catch them someday.
Continue ReadingI’m changing my twitter n …
I’m changing my twitter name to ‘a young girl home tonight’. That’ll turn a few heads in the office when some bloke claims to be following me.
Continue ReadingI refused to eat my rabbi …
I refused to eat my rabbit stew last night. There was a hare in it.
Continue ReadingI’ve won soo much on the …
I’ve won soo much on the Euromillions, IE cannot display it!!!.
Continue ReadingA man walks into a librar …
A man walks into a library, which is a quite an achievement considering the government closures.
Continue ReadingBBC News: Wiliam Gibson s …
BBC News: Wiliam Gibson says the future is right here, right now. Mr. Gibson, that’s what everyone else refers to as the present.
Continue ReadingAnybody else notice that …
Anybody else notice that they sit on the toilet 10 minutes after they’re done because they’re busy playing on their iPhones?
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