DIY can be fun but only w …
DIY can be fun but only when it’s riveting.
Continue ReadingHey McDonalds, I see in y …
Hey McDonalds, I see in your advert you talk about how fantastic your Coffee is! And how you’ve practically mastered good Coffee! Well here’s an idea, why don’t you master making nice Food?
Continue ReadingMy wife asked me “Would y …
My wife asked me “Would you say that I was likeable?” I said “No love, bulls are male. You’re like a cow.”
Continue ReadingI was trying to figure ou …
I was trying to figure out what number multiplied by itself equalled 64, but I couldn’t get to the root of the problem.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend phoned toda …
My girlfriend phoned today saying she was in town, looking at leather suites. I’m not so sure – they sound a bit chewy to me.
Continue ReadingLike my dad always use to …
Like my dad always use to say…. “Home is where the tart is!”
Continue ReadingThe USA has always lagged …
The USA has always lagged behind Great Britain. Well I suppose that’s time zones for you.
Continue ReadingStreet smarts is just a w …
Street smarts is just a word dumb people use when they wanna use the word smart to describe themselves
Continue ReadingBBC News: “MI6 worker’s b …
BBC News: “MI6 worker’s body found in pieces in plastic bag” What a way to commit suicide…
Continue ReadingMy wife said, “Do you fan …
My wife said, “Do you fancy a three-some?” With a smile on my face I said, “Yeah.” “Good,” she said. “Because my mother’s moving in.”
Continue ReadingI used to have a horse ca …
I used to have a horse called Treacle, he had golden stirrups.
Continue ReadingOnce upon a time, I sat o …
Once upon a time, I sat on a clock.
Continue ReadingI was messing around on t …
I was messing around on the laptop earlier when the wife started tutting and moaning. “Whats up with you?” I said. “You’ve been Tweeting away on that computer all day,” she scoffed, “I’ve never seen the fascination with Twitter.” “That’ll be because your entire life isn’t interesting enough to fill 140 characters.” I replied.
Continue ReadingI have just taken a leaf …
I have just taken a leaf out of my dads book… Quite funny ’cause I think he was using it to remember his page.
Continue ReadingI’m pretty knowledgeable …
I’m pretty knowledgeable in most areas, but I think that Greek mythology is my Achilles tendon.
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