I’m thinking of taking my …
I’m thinking of taking my relationship with my girlfriend to the next level. You know, ‘tying the knot’. I’m just not sure if we’re ready for S&M yet, though.
Continue ReadingThe plumber called me thi …
The plumber called me this morning and said he couldn’t finish fitting my boiler as he had the flu. I asked, “but isn’t that the only bit you need?”
Continue ReadingI find it difficult to co …
I find it difficult to count in Roman numerals until the number 159. Then it just CLIX.
Continue Reading“Foiled again!”, said the …
“Foiled again!”, said the baking tray.
Continue ReadingI was walking down the st …
I was walking down the street, then a homeless man said to me, “Can you please spare me a sorry?” I said, “What?” He said, “I beg your pardon.”
Continue ReadingAll that glitters – has a …
All that glitters – has a high refractive index.
Continue ReadingHave you seen the new pro …
Have you seen the new promotion at Tesco’s, if you buy a box of washing powder you get free Marie Clare. Next thing they will be giving a way a box of tampons if you buy an iron.
Continue ReadingA guy at work said, “I’m …
A guy at work said, “I’m lucky me, as one door closes another one opens.” I thought, that can’t be much fun in the winter.
Continue ReadingMy Sister said to me, “Bl …
My Sister said to me, “Blood is thicker than water”. I think she severely underestimates the problems I have with limescale.
Continue ReadingMy wife bought me an extr …
My wife bought me an extremely tall lamp from the shops, it was the highlight of my day.
Continue ReadingDoes anyone else see the …
Does anyone else see the irony in 25,000 Green Day fans singing ‘Minority’?
Continue ReadingHave a break. Have a Kwik …
Have a break. Have a Kwik-Krap
Continue ReadingI joined The Body Parts D …
I joined The Body Parts Dating Agency last week, but it’s been closed down due to safety concerns. You could take someone’s eye out.
Continue ReadingHow do you stop a clown f …
How do you stop a clown from laughing? Hit it in the face with an axe.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a vicar …
What do you call a vicar on a motorbike? Rev
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