My next door neighbour’s …
My next door neighbour’s battery went in his Smart car today. I had to give him a jump start from my iPod.
Continue ReadingMy house is 2 stories hig …
My house is 2 stories high. It used to be 3……. but thats another story!
Continue ReadingI like to sit in a tennis …
I like to sit in a tennis umpires chair when reading a book in the library. Just so I can be the one who shouts, “Silence.”
Continue ReadingMy Indian neighbour made …
My Indian neighbour made the most delicious curry… …and tomorrow I’ll have the rest of him in a sandwich.
Continue ReadingI was walking into my loc …
I was walking into my local pub, when I suddenly realised it was darts night. So I did a 180 and left.
Continue ReadingAs I stood outside the ne …
As I stood outside the newsagents this morning a couple of kids walked past. “Excuse me boys” I said, “If I give you the money could you go into this shop and buy me a newspaper please?” “Why can’t you?” they asked. “I’m not allowed” I said, pointing to the sign on the door that […]
Continue ReadingPoverty is a Big Issue …
Poverty is a Big Issue
Continue ReadingWhy do 5 pints of milk ta …
Why do 5 pints of milk take longer to go through your body than 5 pints of Foster’s? Foster’s doesn’t have to change its colour.
Continue ReadingDisemboweling somebody ta …
Disemboweling somebody takes a lot of guts.
Continue Readingmy friend was on eBay loo …
my friend was on eBay looking for a book on suicide, you just can’t get them anywere anymore
Continue Readinggive a man a fish and he …
give a man a fish and he will eat for a day give a man my wife for the night and he will smell like one forever
Continue ReadingMy mate just gave me a hu …
My mate just gave me a humbug , it was a bitter sweet to swallow.
Continue ReadingThey say honesty is the b …
They say honesty is the best policy. To be honest I don’t agree
Continue ReadingRare white tiger kills zo …
Rare white tiger kills zoo keeper… That’s why I prefer my tigers medium to well done..
Continue ReadingWhat’s cancer and chavs g …
What’s cancer and chavs got in common? They both belong in the cells.
Continue Reading