My wife turned 39 today, …
My wife turned 39 today, so I gave her a card. One more and she’s off.
Continue ReadingWhat do Polish gladiators …
What do Polish gladiators use instead of a battleaxe? Warsaw.
Continue ReadingAre you telling me there’ …
Are you telling me there’s such a thing as a ‘gender test’ in sport and no one’s thought to try it on the Williams ‘sisters’ and Amelie Mauresmo?!
Continue Reading“I’m leaving”, I said to …
“I’m leaving”, I said to my wife. “You’ll come crawling back”, she sneered. I just ignored her and continued on my way to the pub.
Continue ReadingStephen Gateley died as a …
Stephen Gateley died as a result of a conversation between God and Michael Jackson in heaven. When asked if there was anything he would like in his new pad Jacko replied, “A little boy zone!”
Continue ReadingIf Fed Ex and UPS were to …
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
Continue ReadingI went up to a woman and …
I went up to a woman and said, “Play your cards right and you could be taking me home tonight”. She said, “Look mate, you have to book the taxi just like everyone else”.
Continue ReadingPrimark: A place for tho …
Primark: A place for those too proud to shop in Oxfam yet too cheap to shop in New Look.
Continue ReadingMy computer lets me save …
My computer lets me save up to a dozen videos of musical concerts. It has a 12 gig memory
Continue ReadingI find it really hard to …
I find it really hard to hold my beer, especially in the winter. I think it’s the mittens.
Continue ReadingI tweaked out a nose hair …
I tweaked out a nose hair for the first time today to see if it hurt. Judging by the reaction of the guy next to me on the train it looked pretty sore.
Continue ReadingHere’s a piece of advice …
Here’s a piece of advice for you. If you’re sitting there in your house with 300 worth of marijuana, and the police are knocking at the door, there is one thing you should definitely not do… Try to burn the evidence.
Continue ReadingPolice are looking for a …
Police are looking for a rapist with honey, walnuts & filo pastry smeared on his face. The victim said he was wearing a baklava.
Continue ReadingWhen it comes to charity …
When it comes to charity many people stop at nothing.
Continue ReadingI’ve just done a search o …
I’ve just done a search on Bing. It said : 1 result – Chandler.
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