God never wanted any foll …
God never wanted any followers or else he would have been on Twitter.
Continue ReadingI had a lovely meal last …
I had a lovely meal last night. Can’t tell you what though as there’s a supper injunction in place
Continue ReadingI was out in the town thi …
I was out in the town this afternoon and actually caught my son shoplifting. I had no idea he was that strong.
Continue ReadingJust sorted out a drippin …
Just sorted out a dripping tap in the kitchen. There’s nothing quite like cow fat on demand.
Continue ReadingMy mates called me last n …
My mates called me last night asking if I wanted to go over, have a few beers, play on the PS3 and smoke a few joints. Sounded like a good idea so I grabbed my keys, got a few joints ready then drove over there. We had a few beers then went out to his […]
Continue ReadingI just bought some fairtr …
I just bought some fairtrade honey. Does this mean the bees got more money?
Continue ReadingA mate of mine was killed …
A mate of mine was killed in a freak accident after tripping over a jigsaw. The cause of death is unconfirmed as police are still piecing together the evidence.
Continue ReadingI was on a forum earlier …
I was on a forum earlier and it said ‘Read 1024 times’… I thought ‘That’s an odd request’
Continue ReadingElton John- You can tell …
Elton John- You can tell everybody this is your son.
Continue ReadingI didn’t realise that you …
I didn’t realise that you could hire skips. I don’t understand how you get them back in the bag once you’ve eaten them, though?
Continue ReadingA customer in the restaur …
A customer in the restaurant where I work, asked me, “Sir, what’s this fly doing in my soup and I don’t want any stupid jokes” “Ok, drowning” I told him
Continue ReadingWhats about 7 inches long …
Whats about 7 inches long a little bit furry usually only comes out at night and likes my girlfriend? My new hamster
Continue ReadingYou may not think it to l …
You may not think it to look at me, but I did once take 1st place in London’s Cutest Baby awards. I would have taken 2nd as well if she didn’t start screaming.
Continue ReadingA woman kept bugging me i …
A woman kept bugging me in town to buy some singing lessons. I have to admit, She had an impressive pitch.
Continue ReadingDue to the cutbacks, I wa …
Due to the cutbacks, I was made redundant from teaching at the deaf school. The irony is, I still sign on Thursday.
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