Son: ”Dad,why did you gi …
Son: ”Dad,why did you give me a funny name?” Dad: ”Not sure what you’re talking about Lol.”
Continue ReadingMy cat adored me,was alwa …
My cat adored me,was always at my side or on my lap. Then, one day, I just got fed up with it and the cat left. I lost that loving feline.
Continue ReadingJust off for a quick fidd …
Just off for a quick fiddle with my kids. They love it when I play young at heart.
Continue ReadingI think my wife found out …
I think my wife found out about the affair I was having with one of the local farmers sheep. I woke up to find my car grafitied with the words ‘ewe cheating baaastard’
Continue ReadingMOBILITY SCOOTER DRIVERS. …
MOBILITY SCOOTER DRIVERS. Attach a string of bananas behind your vehicle for that exciting Mario Kart look.
Continue ReadingThe instructions on my mi …
The instructions on my microwave meal say ‘stir and recover’ How tiring do they think stirring actually is?
Continue ReadingAnyone else think it’s we …
Anyone else think it’s weird that Roman Catholic Priests are known as “Fathers” when none of them have kids? Well at least not in the traditional sense…
Continue ReadingLawrence next door sadly …
Lawrence next door sadly died this evening after tripping and falling into his burning bonfire. His wife has made a brief statement saying that he was a wonderful guy
Continue Reading“I wear a lot of Axe body …
“I wear a lot of Axe body spray. But I live in a black neighbourhood and it’s called ask body spray.”
Continue ReadingMichael Cera has been put …
Michael Cera has been put on trial with his brother on allegations of murder. The media are calling it ‘case cera cera’
Continue ReadingA friend has just come of …
A friend has just come off holiday but he’s lost an arm. He said that he’ll never be going Self Catering ever again…….
Continue ReadingA policeman asked me, “Wh …
A policeman asked me, “Where were you on the evening of your wife’s death?” I said, “I was going door to door with my new business, delivering alcohol to those in need after 11pm, it’s a simple effective service; customers can order via telephone, or over the internet.” “How convenient,” said the officer.
Continue ReadingI walked past a beggar to …
I walked past a beggar today with a dog. I thought, “how can he afford to keep a dog if he can’t even afford to feed himself?” Some people have got more money than sense.
Continue ReadingI almost won the final of …
I almost won the final of the “Don’t take off your blindfold” Olympics, but I peaked too soon.
Continue ReadingI’ve just quit my job as …
I’ve just quit my job as a submariner. I was under too much pressure.
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