I put the washing out yes …
I put the washing out yesterday. That will teach me to be more careful where I light the barbecue.
Continue ReadingI was visiting a mate tod …
I was visiting a mate today and got a bit lost on the way. I stopped at a garage to ask for directions and before i knew it id had a complete service on the car, 4 new tyres and a full tank of petrol. All done in 4.8 seconds i cant remember what the […]
Continue ReadingMy boss said “You’ve mess …
My boss said “You’ve messed up for the last time. I’ll have your job for this.”. I said “Cool, can I have yours?”
Continue ReadingI’ve opened a shop sellin …
I’ve opened a shop selling sledges. Sales are going downhill lately.
Continue ReadingJust got sacked from my j …
Just got sacked from my job at the rich tea factory. They said I took the biscuit
Continue ReadingI don’t care what people …
I don’t care what people say, I’m a terrible psychiatrist.
Continue ReadingI’ve just seen the group …
I’ve just seen the group on facebook: “Manchester United is my Religion, Old Trafford is my Church.” I’m Catholic and I never go to Church either.
Continue ReadingI was at the police stati …
I was at the police station the other day after being mugged in a dark alley. The policeman asked “So what did your attacker look like?” I replied “I don’t know I could only see his teeth!”
Continue ReadingI’m writing a book about …
I’m writing a book about Zoophilia. It’s called the farmersutra.
Continue ReadingWhy can’t fast food place …
Why can’t fast food places be honest & call “Potato Wedges”, “Big Undercooked Chips” instead.
Continue ReadingJust heard a Jewish woman …
Just heard a Jewish woman in Australia has been made a saint. St Ruth!
Continue ReadingRats are under rated. Jus …
Rats are under rated. Just check your dictionary.
Continue ReadingMy book about synaesthesi …
My book about synaesthesia is so close to being finished I can almost taste it.
Continue ReadingMy missus is useless. She …
My missus is useless. She can’t do anything right. Probably something to do with the stroke she had.
Continue ReadingI’ve decided to keep my m …
I’ve decided to keep my money in my wifes bra. It gets more interest that way.
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