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If anyone wants to complain about me, I invite them to use a microphone placed next to a large speaker. I always like to get feedback.

There’s been an aggressive dog running loose in our street and cops are looking for it’s owner. Hopefully they’ll find a lead.

My Jewish friend has just started a cmpany that sells high quality dog leads It’s called “Muzzle-tough”

When I told my uncle that I was moving to the Northeast for university he said, “Be careful if you ever go into the centre of Newcastle on your own, there’s a lot of dangerous people out there.” “Don’t you worry about me”, I chuckled, “I’m not afraid of NE1”.

I just came home and found my mum slumped on the couch with needles in her arms. She always falls asleep when she knits.

Just been down the supermarket to buy some hot chocolate. Not a lot of Options really.

I was on talking to my mate over a walkie talkie when I asked him “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” He replied, “I think we’re on the same wavelength here.”

There was a fire at my discount carpet warehouse last night. I was just left with the remnants.