On the list of body parts …
On the list of body parts on which I like to be kissed, the perineum is somewhere near the bottom.
Continue ReadingMy mate gets dumped prett …
My mate gets dumped pretty regularly, so I asked him how long it takes to get over a girl. He replied “Depends how fat she is.”
Continue Readingdead moths make excellent …
dead moths make excellent hang gliders for woodlice!
Continue ReadingIf I had a pound for ever …
If I had a pound for every time I got fooled into playing the Lottery… I’d feel adequately compensated.
Continue ReadingMe and my mate had a heat …
Me and my mate had a heated argument with some random blokes about which console was the most entertaining. Wii won in the end.
Continue ReadingYou know your party’s goi …
You know your party’s going well when someone checks their Facebook half way though it.
Continue ReadingBBC News: ROBIN HOOD OPEN …
BBC News: ROBIN HOOD OPENS CANNES. I was under the impression he had a bow and arrow not a tin opener.
Continue ReadingWith all these jokes on h …
With all these jokes on here about the vevezulas at the world cup, its a wonder no-one has spelt it wrong
Continue ReadingI have finally figured ou …
I have finally figured out why the missus is so fat: the shampoo she uses in the shower, that runs down her body, clearly says, “for extra volume and body.” I’m going to recommend she uses dishwashing soap instead; it says, “dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove.”
Continue ReadingSelf-referential humour i …
Self-referential humour isn’t as funny as I think it is.
Continue ReadingA lot of people have name …
A lot of people have names that fit quite nicely, my friend Eg, for example.
Continue ReadingPersonally, I fail to see …
Personally, I fail to see the ‘fun’ part of having 90 pringles in a tin.
Continue ReadingMy grandma won big at the …
My grandma won big at the bingo last night. Weird prize, but one of Tom Hanks better movie roles if you ask me.
Continue ReadingMy wife bought me a shot …
My wife bought me a shot of Botox for my birthday… I didn’t look that suprised.
Continue ReadingI’ve finally found out ho …
I’ve finally found out how to drive around corners. It’s been a learning curve.
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