Why don’t Jewish people u …
Why don’t Jewish people update their Facebook statuses? Because it requires sharing.
Continue ReadingLet us take a moment to t …
Let us take a moment to think about all those poor people stuck in traffic on the way to the gym to spend hours on a treadmill going nowhere fast.
Continue ReadingDwarfs are no taller than …
Dwarfs are no taller than 4ft 10. That’s a little known fact.
Continue ReadingNew Flagship show of BNP …
New Flagship show of BNP TV announced: ‘How to solve a problem like Sharia’
Continue ReadingMy friend asked me for he …
My friend asked me for help selling his scrabble set. I told him I’d put the word out.
Continue ReadingWhat did the farmer say w …
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? ”Where’s my tractor?”
Continue ReadingIn the land of the blind …
In the land of the blind the one-eyed man is king. Or is it just the one who claims to have one eye?
Continue ReadingIt is a fact that 80% of …
It is a fact that 80% of pictures on the internet are of naked women. Which makes adding my Mum on Facebook a lot more awkward…
Continue ReadingI love those phones where …
I love those phones where you have the option for the alarm not to ring when the phone’s on silent. Like for when you’re in a meeting, but asleep.
Continue ReadingI’ve had to stop free ent …
I’ve had to stop free entry to my club for people with crabs… They were just itching to get in.
Continue ReadingThat’s me banned from all …
That’s me banned from all the comedy shows at the Edinburgh fringe. Apparently heckling is tolerated, but shouting ” Duplicate” is not.
Continue ReadingMy son has started dating …
My son has started dating a taxidermist who specialises in large rodents. I overheard him tell his mates what a good stuffing he gave her beaver.
Continue ReadingJust back from the nightc …
Just back from the nightclub with DJ Sauron… It was Mordor on the dancefloor.
Continue ReadingOne day, Little Johnny as …
One day, Little Johnny asks his mother “Why are some of your hairs white?” She replies “Every time you do something that upsets me, one of my strands of hair goes white.” He nods, then asks “Grandma is your mother, isn’t she?” “That’s right.” He thinks for a moment, then asks “So how come ALL […]
Continue ReadingAlgorithm (n) – a vice pr …
Algorithm (n) – a vice president’s funky dance moves.
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