Category: wordplay

My dad said hes sick of spending time on the canvas. He’s not an artist, hes Audley Harrison

I’ve just registered with a new woman dentist in our town, but I’m bit unsure if I should visit her. Her name is Dee Kay.

My girlfriend thinks that I can never take anything seriously. “Of course I can,” I pleaded. “You’re in denial,” she said sternly. “What does the longest river in the world have to do with this?” I retorted.

I considering moving into a castle……… It’s just a fort though.

I sometimes like to set up a mirror and watch my old home movies in it.. ..and just reflect on my life.

I’d just set up the snooker table with my mate, as I chalked up my cue he looked at me and said, “Wanna break?”. I thought, “Of course not, we haven’t even started yet.”

I owed a friend some money so I handed him a cheque. All he could say was, “This had better not bounce.” It won’t, it’s made of paper.

BBC News: Jon Obi Mikel’s dad, Michael, has been kidnapped. Surely someone’s taking the Mick?!

I asked my Irish mate what he thought about the population of the Irish capital now being twice the size. ‘Ahhh yes, typical doublin’ he replied.

I’m attracted to magnets.

My job is to bring ants into the country. It’s an important job.

I was reading a textbook today. It gave me tips on how to write SMS messages.

Who is the biggest rapper in the world? The Notorious B.F.G.

I asked my anaesthetist friend if I could borrow his bottle of Ether. He said, “Sure, knock yourself out”.

I like checking out little girls. Yes, my new job – stamping hands at the exit to Disney Land, is going well.