Category: wordplay

I came back from work yesterday to see my wife hanging out of our top storey flat from the clothes line. I started laughing at her for being so thick but she didn’t appreciate it. So I cut her some slack.

Sky Sports Breaking News: Cesc Fabregas Unhurt After Minor Car Crash. Yeah, the clutches on those old Morris Minors can be tricky sometimes.

Found out my girlfriend has crabs last night. Not the best pets but at least they don’t need walking.

After the success of my first restaurant, Karma, I’ve decided to expand my food business and open Karma 2. We serve just desserts.

I just got a job promotion to restaurant manager. I’ve been waiting for ages to get that job.

I’d have a fit if I found out I was epileptic.

My new girlfriend sent me a text while I was at work yesterday which read ‘I love being rammed roughly from behind – especially when it’s a surprise.’ I now have a 400 bill for damages to her car and a lot of making up to do

confused Saed off eastenders favourite Michael Jackson song… im looking for a man and Amira

People say I couldn’t hurt a fly, Well only if I forgot the lube.

There was this aggressive guy at the gym earlier He was throwing his weight around.

All Hitler really wanted to do was make the world a fairer place.

I don’t mean to alarm anyone, but…. NEE NAW NEE NAW.

My girlfriend kept moaning about an itch on her back but I was refusing to help. I wasn’t up to scratch.

My wife and I were having a little argument about what had happened during our recent holiday to Egypt. I protested that I never went swimming. She said I was in denial.

I hate when people make jokes out of the names of evil dictators. I dont see whats saddam funny about it. I can see myself hearing these Osama