Category: wordplay

I’ve just stolen loads of swimming inflatables. I’d better lilo.

I started work in a woollen mill but soon realised that it was a very close knit community.

I wrote to Match of the Day and warned them that I was going to try and murder Mark Lawrenson in August. I won goal of the month.

I went bob-sleighing last week. I managed to kill Bob Geldof and Bob Hoskins.

My mate thinks he has discovered body parts of a cow in his garden. Personally I reckon it`s a load of old bull.

If your cow is better than everyone else’s Don’t milk it.

“Duran Duran” to headline at the Olympics Opening Concert. Let’s hope they don’t pick “The Specials” for the Paralympics.

My girlfriend bought me some camouflage boxer shorts today. Looks like I’m going Commando.

When I’m peckish I like to eat dental amalgam because it’s filling.

I thought I saw Bruce Willis yesterday – except he was twice as tall and wide… must’ve been his body double

After having colonic irrigation today I was really tired. It really takes it out of you.

I fancy myself as a bit of a narcissist.

I’ve just had to reboot my computer because it broke. I probably shouldn’t have booted it in the first place.

I’m fed up with all the ethnic minorities near my house in east London so I decided to get on the central line and head to White City. When I got off what I saw made me feel disappointed, disgusted and lied to. It’s not a city at all.

What’s saucy? A back to front see-saw.