Category: wordplay

Hit-and-run drivers. Use them for playing speed-golf.

The Universe, its out of this world

I don’t understand the fuss about this “Apple Tablet”. Some guy in a dodgy nightclub offered me expensive Apple Tablets years ago; he also had Mitsubishi ones, smiley faces…

My days of casually inserting the names of places into my sentences are Dover.

I’ve started up a mobile disco to make a some extra cash, but I’m being sued for ruining a wedding I did last night. I only had two ringtones on my phone.

“I’m stuck with one word on this crossword, the clue is a 10 letter word, similar to being silly” “Oh, well that’s ridiculous” “I know, I’ve been stuck on it for hours”

“UN-Staffed office bombed” Just as well there was no-one there then.

I love playing chess against Fred Goodwin, my Queen always takes his Knight.

I’ve just stubbed my big toe on the end of my bed. It was silly to even try and smoke it in the first place really.

The butcher in Derby has just brought out a new product, Stuffed ram.

I’ve been locked in conversation with my wife for over an hour now. She will do anything to find out how my day was.

I’ve just registered for the ‘World bubble wrap bursting championship’. I haven’t got much of a chance but I thought I’d have a pop.

I lie awake night after night trying remember the name of that French bloke who plays for Aston Villa I think it could be N’Zomnia

I didn’t like my haircut at first, but it grew on me.

There’s a time and a place to be punctual.