Category: wordplay

My Nan just won the National Bush Award at her farm. Herpeas have never tasted so good.

Dim or bright lightbulbs? Watts the difference.

Me and my mate have just been fighting over which is the best vowel. I won.

What do you call 22 mushrooms playing football. The Champignon League.

I wanted to be a bouncer, but they wouldn’t let me in.

I wish I stopped being able to get erections sooner. I keep overhearing my wife telling all her friends how important I am now!!! Don’t know why they think being important is funny?

Obese – a term not to be taken lightly.

Me and my mate are both undertakers, and to make it interesting we decided to have a bet on where we’d find our next dead body. As we entered the crime scene I thought to myself…. It’s in the bag.

My son was convinced he’d seen a ufo yesterday. I told him it could be just a balloon but he still sat there all day with his ionosphere.

My doctor said to me ‘Have you ever spoken about your chromosomes?’ I said ‘Only with my ex, why?’

How do you tell if a ghost is straight? Use a spirit level.

When nothings going right, go left.

My mate said to me “I’ve been offered a small apartment in the mountains, for just 50” I said “Is it a Condo?” He said “Nah, it seems legit”

What does my wife say after I use the Iron? ” OUCH”

My mom died during delivery. At least we got a condolence letter from FedEx.