Category: wordplay

What colour is the wind? Blew.

I came home from work early to find my wife in a lesbian threesome with two stunning blondes. But unfortunately she was just sitting in front of the telly stuffing her face with crisps as usual.

Mary Byrne got a Brazilian. Literally.

My brother refuses to work these days. I should get a new printer.

I reduced the wife to tears last night. I took away her scissors.

I want to go into business as a Barber, but the bank told me I need a shavings account first.

I’ve just walked in on my missus with one of Goldfingers henchmen. I asked, “What have I told you about doing odd jobs around the house?”

I watched a programme the other day about couples with vomit fetishes… Those people are sick as they come.

A bloke approached me in the pub and offered me the chance to be cloned for 1,000. I thought: “Someone’s trying to dupe me.”

The best thing about exclamation marks is that you can use them to hide how truly alone and depressed you really are!!!

I picked up a 99p copy of Avatar the other day. Compared to the 1080p version, the quality is atrocious.

I often wonder what people say when they’re leaving each other in foreign languages. I’m bye-curious.

Just tried my hand at standup. My feet were definitely better.

I was on this line that met a geometrical curve at a common point without actually intersecting its surface……….sorry, I went off on a tangent there.

After an unusually high gas bill, my wife asked me to check the meter. It was spot on. One hundred centimetres exactly.