Category: wordplay

Sonny Gibson must be spinning in his grave.

I’ve just paid 1000 for a sheepskin rug. I think i’ve been fleeced.

In the early 1940’s, Europe had no videogames, Internet or TV. Thank God we had Germany to keep us occupied

I’ve been described as an apathetic coward. I’m afraid I couldn’t care less.

Veni, Vidi, Velcro… I came I saw I stuck around

The secrets of the baking industry are given out only on a knead to dough basis.

I used to really fancy my piano teacher when I was a kid and I was always eager to impress her. Unfortunately I misheard her when she said it was time to master Beethoven.

SKY NEWS: Prince William wants frontline duty. He says he likes treating cats and dogs with fleas.

I must be allergic to exercise.. Every time I do it my heart starts racing and I break out into a sweat.

A girl i’ve been dating said she doesn’t want to see me anymore. So i poked both her eyes out.

I always pack a carton in my son’s bag… The kids at his school pay top prices for cigarettes.

If when asked to work some overtime, do night shift workers phone home and say “Sorry love, I have to work early.”?

Just had an argument with the Wife. She thought that she had lost half a stone, until I correctly pointed out that the digital scales were on the blink and were always showing 6 pounds lighter than they should be. She was stroppy at first, but she soon saw the error of her weighs.

I started talking to a bunch of people standing in a circle. I’m never going to hear the end of it.

My wife is due to go on a long car journey today for work and insists she doesnt need a map, but Im sure she will lose her bearings. Especially as Ive taken them out and loosened the wheels.