Category: wordplay

I Dont know why my wife says pregnancy hurts, it sounds like a right knee’s up.

The star attraction at my local aquarium has just been repossessed. It turned out to be a loan shark.

I woke up with a giant cat in my bed this morning. Not exactly what I had in mind when I said I fancied a lie in in the morning.

I’m an upstanding member of the primate community.

I’ve become insecure of my manhood after my Jamaican wife said “I’ve smoked fatter joints than that.”

Yahoo news – Hair Fetishist sentenced to Life At least he can dye in prison

I started a fire in the house last week and my son died. My wife was surprisingly supportive when I told her that I’ve always loved arson.

I used to date the invisible woman. Now I don’t know what I ever saw in her.

What do you get if you put a black guy at the controls of a Concorde? Jet lag.

There are three things I want to do in my lifetime 1. Learn to count

I was going down the street in my sedan chair, hoisted aloft by 4 porters. When I thought, “Since that lotto win, I’ve really let myself get carried away”.

Two things fascinate me – the middle east and animal slaughter. I’ve just booked a week in Saudi Arabia to kill two birds with one stone.

My favourite ever memory is sleeping with my high school chemistry teacher. I’m still coming two terms with it.

If you can’t beat ’em . . . . . You’ll most likely lose or draw.

I much prefer biology to spelling. Which is why I’m happy the teacher tortoise about turtles today.