Category: wordplay

If I just run next door and take my neighbour’s ladder, he’s sure to notice. I’m going to have to take it one step at a time.

Why is it when a footballer “runs at defenders” he’s considered to have an ‘excellent attacking instinct’, but when I run at women I’m said to have ‘a disgusting attacking instinct’?

Cannibals are so full of themselves.

I enjoy visiting Elizabethan tailors and getting ruffed up, It gives me a frill.

My wife just spent three whole weeks looking for my FIFA game. It was above and beyond the call of duty.

We were in McDonald’s when my mate said that he is fed up with me putting him down. I said ” Have a chicken nugget”.

I came last in a hurdles race and I never got over it. Probably why I came last.

I first met my wife at the village fair It must have been fete.

My wife made the allegation “I think you’ve had an affair with that Welsh tart, from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch”. I said, “How can you say such a thing?”

I recently developed a fondness for Siamese Vodka. We’re joined at the hip-flask.

My wife can’t control herself. Maybe I should give her the remote for her electronic wheelchair back.

I was having a heart to heart with my oyster family, but they just wouldn’t open up.

I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.

I was going to build a Soup Kitchen for the Homeless. But I realised it’d be better if I made it out of Bricks and Cement.

Jason Statham stars in a new movie where he kidnaps young girls for money… …the McCannic