Category: wordplay

I was taught a very valuable lesson today. Prospecting.

Trying to find a stand-up comic is quite tricky. Would help if they were hard-backs.

I saw Kate and Gerry banging their steering wheel, but the horn was not working. It was then I realised, they were probably in car hoots.

I suppose I got what I deserved for punching my mates lights out. Electrocuted.

A great ball of fire has just landed in my garden. I thought to myself, “Goodness gracious.”

My kids are gone to stay with their Australian relatives. Or as the judge called them, the “foster family”.

I failed to sign up my preferred choice for headline act at my new festival. Guess it’s off to Plan B then..

I was toy shopping with my daughter when she saw some Toy Story figures on the shelves,she said, “Are Buzz and Woody not moving because they’re not real – like the ones in Toy Story?”, So, I played along and said, “No sweetheart, see how those one’s are in boxes?”. She said,”Oh, can they not […]

What are wok’s used for? Thwowing at wabbits.

I was very sick last night after eating a dodgy chocolate bar. But that’s off Topic…

People who have no index fingers are pointless.

I was quite a ‘lady killer’ in my younger days, but behind bars for thirty years has changed that.

The Indian government is to count every person in the country. Finally they’ve come to their census.

I lied awake in bed, but she believed every word.

My wife was contemplating having a flu vaccine but I refused to give her advice. I just didn’t want to influenza decision.