Category: wordplay

My mother gave birth to me whilst skydiving. I was airborne.

I’ve been sacked from my job. Or as I prefer to think of it, I’m on eternity leave.

Being a lazy artist, I don’t always blend in.

No one on Sickipedia seems to like my philosophy-themed wordplay. Well you’re all just a bunch of Kants.

As a hairdresser, I’m relentless in my money making ways… I’m going to get rich or dye trying.

I’ve just bought a Dining table and chair set, in 30 easy weekly instalments, This week they sent me a chair leg.

How many divorced women does it take to change a lightbulb? One to change the bulb, Three to form a support group.

There’s a terrible smell coming from my bedside table. I think my alarm clock must’ve gone off.

I find jokes about people in wheelchairs, like Christopher Reeves, absolutely sickening. Around me that sort of crude humour just won’t fly.

Apparently worms are at their bravest when they’re in pears.

BBC Sport News: Northern Ireland’s Clingan fit to play in Estonia. However, Estonia’s Vulcan drops to the reserves.

My mum asked me “I want to find out more about the ‘The appprentice’ finalists, do you know what that chinese-australian girl is called?” “Susan Ma.” “Son, there are millions of Susans in the world, I’m going to need a second name pet.”

I want to go into a balloon store and threaten to blow the whole place up!

My Wife came downstairs earlier all dolled up ready to go out, and asked if I could give her a lift. I said “Sure sweetheart. You don’t look as fat in that dress as I thought you would”.

My son was killed whilst pretending his wheelchair was a transformer on the M1. You could say he died in his Prime.