Category: wordplay

I said too my new girlfriend “i hate you saying the C word it makes me sick” she replied “I WOULD NEVER SAY THAT!!!” “yeah you do, commitment this, commitment that”

A mate came to visit me the other week ”Did you come on the bus?” I asked him. His reply was ”Yes I did as a matter of fact ! The driver was not happy though.”

What’s a bear’s favorite charity event? The 40 Hour Salmon

PUNISHMENT That’s capital punishment.

Why are soldiers always tired in April? Because they’ve just done a 31 day March.

Ryan Giggs today admitted to suffering from homesickness, saying that, even though he’s happy in Manchester, he does Miss Wales occasionally.

My mate just stays at home these days, watching film after film. He has developed a reel problem

I was in the job centre this morning looking at jobs in the digital tv world, skys the limit i thought.

Ive got a joke to keep Rabbis happy but I think its a jew placate.

Self Checkouts – Easy To Steal? Nope, trust me, those things are bolted to the ground.

I’ve got a new job at Tesco designing coupons for all their magazines and cereal boxes. I’m really going to have my work cut out.

I was walking down the street the other day, and a guy beckoned me over to him. When I got there he said “I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else.” I said, “I was.”

I’m the worst at hide and seek in the whole hospital. I’m always found in the I.C.U.

My mate married a midget today and he just said to me, “I’m regretting this already. What’s everyone going to say when they see my new bride!? I’m really worried.” “Wife’s too short, mate,” I replied.

My wife got injured through a nasty slip. She looked a mess in it, so I punched her.