Category: wordplay

I’ve started up a business offering rides in Willie Wonker’s lift. Sales are going through the roof.

I’m sick of all these stupid headlines. I should really buy some anti-wrinkle cream.

I’m into Egyptian roleplay in the bedroom. My wife dresses up as Cleopatra and gives off distinct Pharoahmones.

My wife said that I was too impulsive and that I should think twice before doing anything. At first I agreed with her, but now, on second thoughts…..

if you can’t drink it. smoke it. if you can’t smoke it. snort it. if you can’t snort it. take it as a pill. if you can’t take it as a pill give it to Amy whine house. she’ll find a way

What’s the difference between a Captain and a Lieutenant Colonel? There’s a Major difference.

I had nothing to do at work last night, and at around 3am found myself fiddling around with angry birds to while away the hours. As it turns out, that’s frowned upon at Holloway.

I slept through the alarm this morning. Good thing it was only a small fire.

Talking to my wife earlier about my day.. Me: Ran into my old Irish friend earlier… Wife: Oh really? Me: No… O’Riely.

I’ve just phoned up the roller disco to tell them I’ll be late for my interview but it sounds like I’ve got the job anyway so I think I’ll take my time. The guy told me to get my skates on.

What do you call a loud dog that is underwater?? A subwoofer!!

I’ve seen many Americans moved by ‘Amazing Grace’, but the majority of Americans I’ve seen don’t move with much grace at all.

I got trapped in a drum today. It was a snare.

I was going to ask out a girl who works un-feathering chickens, but I couldn’t pluck up the courage to ask.

The Dyslexic samurai warrior has a way with sword.