Category: wordplay

I’ll never forget the day I met Steven Gerrard and Jamie Carragher in Liverpool. It was the same day my Wallet, watch and wedding ring were stolen.

Angry Birds is a chick-flick

At nearly 7 miles deep, the Mariana Trench just goes to show that sea-chasm truly is the lowest form of wet.

I don’t see what all this fuss about beating your meat is. Got me sacked from the butchers.

I said, “How long left ref?” He said, “It’s injury time” So I broke his nose.

I just couldn’t get rid of a horrible headache earlier today, or the ‘wife’ as she prefers to be called.

I was watching the home shopping channel when it said” Forget eveything you know about washing machines” It was a load of my mind.

I asked some girl I pulled last night how she liked her eggs in the morning and she replied “fried, not fertilised”. So I set fire to her flat before leaving the next day.

Dear, Lonely Hearts. Body builder, seeks electrifying time. Dr. Frankenstein.

My wife was preparing some potatoes for our dinner, I asked “What time is dinner?” but she made no reply. That’s the first time she’s ever been quiet a peeling.

I wouldn’t have Parker in the side. You are always worried he’ll give away a Pen..

I have a brilliant job. I work with loads of birds and they always turn their heads whenever I’m in the room. It’s great down the owl sanctuary.

I’ve recently opened a new pub. With the vast amount of alcoholics in my area, I’ve decided to call it The Stumble Inn.

My wife told me the other day that she was ‘feeling old fashioned’ and ‘not cool anymore’ Soo i stuck her in an american fridge.

Two Eskimos have gone missing and the police have spent 3 days looking for any clues, but drawn a blank. I look for 5 minutes and find what they’re looking for. Piece of kayak.