Category: wordplay

On our beach, the swimming limit has gone out to sea another mile. This should separate the men from the buoys.

I saw a man walking down an icy hill the other day, when he stopped and took out a cigarette. He then threw it, and the packet, in the bin, before sliding and falling down the road. I don’t blame him. It’s a slippery slope.

I’ve got no Faith in my broken George Michael CD.

I found a sweet little note from my wife in my lunchbox which read: ‘I’ll love you while you’re at work today.’ I’ve looked forward to coming home all day. Not sure where she is though, maybe she’s popped out for my dyslexia medication. And taken all her stuff with her.

I went to a sad film at the cinema last night, and the man behind me starting wailing. I got hit in the head with a harpoon.

I was eating out my girlfriend before when I thought: ” A bowl would be a lot easier.”

Apple are bringing out a card shuffling device for poker enthusiasts, which will be iDeal.

My ex left me because of my obsession with star wars. But I have met a new girl who loves it as much as I do. I have a new hope.

My parents have just had a huge row over who’s getting what inheritances when they die. It was a battle of wills.

Sometimes you just have to take stock and admit you can’t make your own gravy.

My mother-in-law is coming to dinner this evening… My wifes making a curry and i’m getting the ricin.

In the north of England there is actually a road called ‘Quality Street’ There’s only one person left living there and ironically he’s both Turkish and Delightful.

Everyone throughout my whole life has called me special. My friends, my family. If only my mum had a good sense in choosing names.

I got my personality test results back yesterday. They were negative.

I am going to sneak into NASA, steal a rocket and fly to mars. Nothing can go wrong, i’m going to planet.