Category: wordplay

I run my own gym. People have been coming for ages but don’t seem to be getting any stronger. It’s the same weak in weak out.

What do you call someone who discriminates against farmers? A pharmacist.

I’ve been getting into cars lately. I’ve realised it’s much more comfortable than sitting on the roof.

My wife has a weight problem. I’ve stacked all my dumbells on top of her.

I am in court today for stealing a packet of Bisto from Tesco. My brief is claiming I was just stock taking. What a genius.

Went to see a show at the West End last week, it was Wicked.

Landmines.. Where do you stand on them?

The wife and I cannot decide between Thailand or Sock Shop

Just watched a feature length program about a Duck with two mouths. It was a double bill.

I studied exothermic reactions before they were cool.

Drink wet cement – get stoned.

After the accident, my wife was left a vegetable. “Who left this vegetable here?” She asked.

Can people please stop turning the handle sticking out of my back ? It winds me up !!

I once spent a year of my life rolling down hills in a giant tyre. That was a Goodyear.

Sadly my new book on depression didn’t do so well.