Category: wordplay

I’ve got yet another job after having ten different ones this year. It’s at a local sperm bank…. I take it as they come.

Just been to see my leper friend in hospital whos been self harming. He told me he’s been doing grate.

I bought two herb propagators, but one of them’s broke. The Sage one’s fine, but the Basil’s faulty.

I had a go at blackjack last night. We’re mates again now though..

Ironically, erectile dysfunction can be hard to handle.

I just had an argument in a hair dressers. But I am glad we straightened that out.

I had had a long distance break up last night. It’s a far cry from what I’m used to.

I’ve just started selling bags of washing powder around my estate to idiots who believe that it’s cocaine. Its a Bold move.

I’ll tell you what really makes me mad. Infected beef.

My teacher wasn’t surprised that I did well in the recent test on “What to do when you see money on the floor”. He said he knew I’d pick it up quickly.

I’d been worrying about my geography exam for a long time. When I sat down to take it, the first question read; “What is the correct term for any wind that blows between 4 and 30 miles per hour?” I don’t know what I was worried about. It was a breeze.

My wife thinks I’m stupid and to prove her point she bought me an electronic pencil sharpener and said I’d be too thick to use it. Of course I can’t use it – I’ve been to every shop in town and I can’t find an electronic pencil anywhere!

To those of you who have lost loved ones to kidney infections and diseases, Urine our prayers.

Why is there no aspirin in France? Because Paracetamol.

Every time I take my toucan to the vet… I come back with a large bill.