Category: wordplay

I’ve just ripped out a pig’s vocal chords with my bare hands. It appears to be disgruntled.

If history repeats itself… I’d expect the same thing to happen again.

Every 15 minutes, I have to put pepper spray in my eyes whilst listening to thumping house tunes. I’m totally addicted to mace.

I’m never playing Blackjack with my mate again. He dealt out the cards and said, “Stick or twist?” I said, “Twist”, so he said, “In The Sixth Sense, Bruce Willis is a ghost.”

There’s a fine wine between sober and inebriated.

My mate sells E’s for 10 each. You’ve got to decide how much you want to win that game of Scrabble.

It’s always hard work getting ready for the harvest, but as they say, no pain no grain.

My wife’s water just broke. I’m going to write to Evian for a refund.

All 3/4 pants 25% off! Well otherwise they would just be pants, wouldn’t they?

I met my mate earlier and he looked really upset. I said, “What’s up, fella?” “I’ve just been on that website with the sick jokes…” “Alright, it’s funny isn’t it?” “It would be, but half the jokes are about me!” said Dave.

I like to tell my girlfriend she’s humorous. Its not that shes funny, just she’s a good bone

I’ve just raced two headless chickens… It was neck and neck.

My mate asked me. “Have you every played squash” I replied, “Yes, every time I get in the car with the wife”.

2 Birds, 1 Stone. Literally, I’m in court on the 25th.

The wife is always under my feet It’s my fault for burying her beneath the floor.