Category: wordplay

An Englishman eating his sunday roast, a Scotsman with a kilt on, an Irish man drunk out of his head, and a Kenwood Hifi system are in a bar. They were all stereotypes.

I saw Hermione Granger and Ginny Weasley yesterday and said, ‘You two are something very special!’ ‘Which is?’ they asked. ‘Correct.’

My Doctor just diagnosed me with ‘airport-itus.’ It’s a terminal illness…

There’s now an AA for midget alcoholics. It’s called aa.

Took a chemistry test earlier. The first question was: ‘Which type of elements have ions?’ Apparently ‘the female ones’ isn’t an impressive answer.

Well the judge said that from now on I can only see my children with supervision. I said why, how far away will they be?

In the first round of a game of strip-poker, I played my socks off.

I stabbed a Galatasary fan to death with a wrench I really put a spanner in the Turks.

My dad says I’m likely to lose my vision when I’m older as its hereditary but personally I can’t see it happening.

BBC News – American singer Peek dies aged 60. That’s really summit.

“Dad,the kids at school keep making fun of me because I don’t know what Hands me downs means.” “Son,I was once in your shoes.”

Why was the cold tap turned on? Because the other tap was so hot!

“The removal of the ability to predict the future!” “What do we want?”

My friend said that he couldn’t stop climbing on things. I said “Oh, come off it!”.

Hear about the lonely prisoner in a Glasgow jail? He was in his cell.