Category: wordplay

My dad was a marathon runner when he met my mother, who was a 100m hurdler. They’ve been together for 33 years now – who says that mixed race marriages don’t work…?

After years of beating the tax man, he’s finally caught up with me. I wish he’d never joined my running club.

What’s 4 x 4? My weapon of choice when I’m done with her

I was thinking the other day so I shouted “Thumone help me! I can’t thwim!”

I’ve heard that Emile Heskey and the McCanns both keep having the same nightmare. Missing a sitter.

I can’t stop myself from attending pirate themed parties. I’m hooked.

I hate having to maintain my central heating. Bleeding radiators.

A friend of mine stole my invisible box yesterday… I said “Hey, that’s mime!!”

Looks like some guy called Max has broken into my house and written his name on all of my measuring jugs.

I didn’t tip the waiter at the Indian restaurant. Bad korma.

My sister bought some everlasting gobstoppers yesterday. I thought it was a con at first, but when she choked to death on one it lasted the rest of her life.

Had a threesome with a Chinese girl & her twin. I wasn’t going to, but one Ting led to another..

I was discussing football injuries with my mate today, For me Henrik Larssons stuck out the most.

“Outrage as Madeleine McCann’s image used on holiday discount website” In fairness, the McCanns made a killing on their own holiday.

BBC News: France ban burkhas. I hope they don’t ban chicken nuggets and fries too.