Category: wordplay

There’s this bloke at work who is constantly abusive to all my colleagues and act’s like he’s 10 men. I work in a psychiatric unit.

My wife always makes sure the table is cleared before dinner is served at seven. If she didn’t play as much pool, maybe I would be eating by six.

I did a tour of a cheese factory in Holland last week. Apparently Edam is made backwards.

Does anyone agree that ‘The Sun’ is rather specific whereas ‘The Star’ is more general?

What’s better than a piano in the hall? A fiddle in the bed.

To get some extra income I’ve become a small time dealer. I sell Rolex, Tag Heuer and Casio.

Two men in a kayak, both are feeling quite cold so they decide to make a small fire to keep themselves warm. Within minutes the kayak has a huge hole in it and sinks to the bottom of the lake. Which proves that you cant have your kayak and heat it.

Hot tip for tomorrow: Coroner’s Report. It’s a dead cert.

I’ve often been lycaned to a Werewolf.

I said to the missus, “I’ve just seen the most beautiful sausage dog.” She said, “Aww, where?” I said, “In the butchers you moose.”

I miss my little sister. So I’ve started to throw larger stones, and now hit her head every time.

My wife was looking through my laptop the other day while I was at work. She found some indecent images of minors. What can I say? I just get really turned on by naked men digging for coal.

I ran into a hospital today and told the receptionist I wanted to see a doctor. “What’s wrong?” she asked. “Paedophilia.” I replied. “But that’s not important right now, I need a doctor.”

I finally plucked up the courage and asked the fit bird, “I don’t suppose you would be free at all this week?” She insisted that it would still cost 80. an hour.

I’ve just joined The Magic Circle. It was just a Magic Curved Line before.