Category: wordplay

It was as I unpacked the groceries into the kitchen cupboard, that I realised I had a roach problem. I’d forgotten to buy some rolling papers.

Where do Iranians kiss at Christmas time? Under the missiletoe.

My disabled friend just told me that some of the things I’ve been saying about his condition show a lack of sensitivity. “Like your legs?” I replied.

I went to the Doctors complaining that my hands hurt when I did the washing up. He prescribed me some Dishwasher Tablets.

I was in a mood earlier because the wife accused me of always trying to be clever. After hours of awkward silence, she asked, “What’s the matter?” I replied, “It is the basic structural component of the universe.”

I attempted to sabotage the World Fencing Championship recently, but I was foiled.

My mate has just set up a new haulage company in exporting snails Les Cargo

My mate says working at Mr Minute must be soul-destroying. I said “No, it’s just the opposite.”

My Wife asked me what I had done at work today. As a teacher, I told her I had asked the children to describe glaciers. ‘I see’, she said… Exactly the answer most of the children gave.

I’ve got a thing for older women. It’s an incontinence pad.

I used to live on Money Lane. It was the route of all evil.

I woke up at dawn once. That was my earliest memory…

My girlfriend hates it when I spell and punctuate incorrectly. So I punched her and put her in a comma.

Nike are currently branching out into The Netherlands with their latest, hi-tech trainers. Clever clogs.

Audi are releasing a new car specifically for the American market. It’s called the “Audi Doody”.