Category: wordplay

I wonder if the Queen has a golden shower?

My HIV test results have come back, and they’re positive. I’m negative.

I had to laugh whilst at the Zoo today. I’m a Hyena.

What’s worse than finding a maggot in your apple? Finding a vein in your sausage.

I released a film about erectile dysfunction. It turned into a big flop.

I was in court yesterday and asked my lawyer what he thought of my case. “Well,Ive had a good look at it,and Its a bit flimsy if Im honest” he replied. “I thought so” I started,”but it was only a fiver from a car boot”

In England, of course, all roads roam to Leeds.

Advert in my local newsagent. WANTED: Someone to walk my dog in the Evenings. Chinese need not apply.

I saw my son playing cards on a level crossing Hes addicted to gambling online.

I just asked my mate what illness Strepsil was for. “For cough,” he said. “No need to be rude, it’s just a simple question!” I replied.

As a courtroom judge, I spend a lot of my time around two types of people. The guilty. And the innocent. It’s very much a case of black and white.

I saw a Jamaican guy with dreadlocks in the street earlier. He was smoking a huge joint and shouting out, “Death to the Jews! End the welfare state!” Yeah man. Rastafaright.

My mate almost achieved his life-long ambition of eating every Cadbury’s chocolate bar in one sitting. He was so close, just a Whisper away.

I was stuck in traffic yesterday on the M6 and saw a sign “Roadworks Ahead- Delays possible until Feb 2010”. Fortunately I was only held up for 7 hours.

I was helping my old nan clean the rubbish out of her house. I asked her, “Where’s the bin go nan?” She replied, “Mecca, down the high street son.”