Category: wordplay

I was walking down the street and a driver pulled over and asked me if I knew where Effingham was. Was” Next to the effing bacon” the wrong answer?

I’ve recently decided to create a new business, It’s a rubbish collection service with a staff made entirely of people with disabilities. The council will not approve the idea though, I dont see what the problem is with calling it, “Downs in the Dumps”.

Lost your keys? locked outside? Looks like i’m going to have to smash your back doors in…

I thought I’d found the perfect website to help me overcome my fear of flying until it crashed.

Apparently Santa’s main elf has quit and set up his own toy business right next to Santa’s after a huge row. He’s a rebel without a Claus.

If you don’t liquor, she’ll wine.

My enema seminar was a complete washout.

As one door closes, another door opens. I hate being a door to door salesman.

Did I tell you the amazing story about an axe you can’t use for climbing? Talk about an anti climax.

A boy went to his grandfather’s house for a week. On the first night at dinner he found a thick, slimy goo on his plate, so he said to his grandfather “Grandpa is this plate clean?” “As clean as cold water can get them.” his grandfather answered. This went on for the rest of the […]

I was thrown out of the Apple shop today, because I was Windows shopping

NEWS: Teresa Lewis executed by lethal injection in Virginia. That’s a bit harsh. I thought they would’ve at least put the needle in her arm.

Just met some Africans who doesn’t have to walk twenty miles for water. They’re well equipped.

My wife said she’s leaving me because I keep slipping authors’ names into conversation. I don’t know what she’s Tolkien about.

I can’t believe I just folded at the World Ironing Championships. I forgot my iron.