Category: wordplay

How stupid would you have to be to answer a rhetorical question?

I pay the lady next door to iron my clothes topless while I watch. When my mum found out she said I was a pervert for looking at her naked. I said, “She’s not completely naked. It’s all above board.”

I was shown a molecular level diagram earlier but couldn’t see any of the particles. I swear I was looking right atom.

When I heard someone had found my headphones I was so happy, it was like music to my ears.

Botox will never make headlines.

Dont you hate it when people use apostrophe’s incorrectly?

I want to thank my mate, who looked up “Agglomeration” for me in the dictionary. It means a lot.

Today a met a girl named poverty, I thought that was a very poor choice of name.

I was just about to tweet what i was having for my dinner, then i remembered… That i actually have a life.

As a proctologist, I rectify every problem.

‘What do we want?’ ‘COMPROMISE’ ‘When do we want it?’ ‘What time is good for you?’

I can’t remember the last time my mind went blank.

So Dappy has pulled out of V Fest. Just a shame Dappy’s Dad didn’t pull out of his Mum’s V.

There was a dead cat in our garden earlier so my son asked “Dad why is the cat dead?” “Curiosity killed the cat son,” I replied “It came and investigated our garden whilst i was practicing with the shotgun.”

I started crying today when I couldn’t find my scissors to cut out a coupon in the newspaper. I was reduced to tears.