Category: wordplay

I stole post-it note from my boss’ office today… I’m really going to stick it to the man.

Gordon Ramsay reminds me of a newspaper. Only with more headlines.

Terminal illness is dying out.

I found out today that I perfectly match the profile of the type of person who spoils their ballot paper. I tick all the right boxes.

BBC News: Homeless man murdered by Gang at a bustop. Poor guy.

I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud, “I’ve already got one!”

I’ve just deserted my wife. I slapped her with a chocolate gateau.

I bought some Sainsbury’s “Taste the Difference” triple chocolate cookies. They all seemed to be chocolate – hardest game ever.

My wife said, “Can’t you make yourself useful?” “Nah, I I’ve only got one U and I’m trying to use up that triple word square before you do.”

Im practising to be a journalist at the moment. They say you have to shorten words so you can write faster. Its taken me a couple weeks to learn but ive now got it down to a t.

My neighbour is a blacksmith. Yes, now they are stealing British surnames too.

My mate’s always boasting how he once had to shuffle 52 packs of cards and then distribute them equally between 4 people. Big deal.

Lovin my new job mixing cement… Everyday I’m shovelling…..

The predominant symptom is usually severe fatigue and malaise following mental or physical activity. The full extent of this exhaustion often becomes apparent only 24 to 48 hours after the activity. Other symptoms include muscle, brain and central nervous system tiredness… but anyway, that’s enough about ME

I changed my Facebook status: “Women just don’t think I’m funny.” Luckily I noticed that I missed a fullstop after “think” and managed to rectify the situation before any harm was done.