Category: wordplay

Irish embroiderers: Tread carefully.

BBC NEWS: U.S. Rapper jailed for gun on bus. Here in the U.K. we let anyone go on the bus.

Cricket is so difficult to understand. It just sounds like pointless chirping to me.

I was scared we wouldn’t win the pub quiz when it came down to a tiebreak. Luckily I knew the answer to: “What is Glenn, the actress’s, last name.” “Phew,” I thought. “That was Close.”

I met a homeless secret agent the other day. He said, “The name’s Bond, Vagabond.”

I’ve finally realised what’s been bugging me lately. The FBI.

A salesman asked me, “What are you looking for in a car?” I said, “It has to be affordable” He said, “I’m sorry sir, I’ve never heard of a Ford Ibble.”

My teacher handed me a blank piece of white paper. “Make a paper plane,” she said. “It already is,” I said.

I’ve just seen a supernova… It had alloy wheels and a sports exhaust.

I fell into the Beaver enclosure at the zoo. I’ll be dammed.

Today I was stopped by an NSPCC worker, who said to me “Do you like kids?” Surely they have subtler ways of catching paedophiles?

I’ve been reading the news about there being a civil war in Madagascar. Well, I’ve seen it six times and there isn’t.

Walking down the road, I saw a man kneeling beside a heavily pregnant woman on the ground. “Quick!” he shouted “you’ve got to help me, my wife’s in Labour!” I ran over and put my hand on her shoulder “it’s alright love,” I said “at least you’re not in the Tories.”

What’s the point in pin the tail to the donkey? The sharp bit.

I took acid last night. My chemistry teacher was furious.