Category: wordplay

How many squares are there on a chess board? Usually two, facing each other.

Landing Jets in the water is plane sailing.

I have a lot of emotional baggage Whenever I go to the airport security say “Why is that suitcase crying?”

After a horrible road accident, my wife lost two limbs and only her left leg and arm remained. She’s a woman with no rights.

I was told that it’s good to sleep on your problems to clear your head through tough times. It didn’t work that way when I tried sleeping on my manager.

A builder’s van said ‘Call us for a free quote’ so I did. They answered “Get off your horse & drink your milk.” Sounds like a bunch of cowboys to me.

I’m looking after my gran this weekend. If she’s looking for an excuse to divorce grandad, I’ll probably give her one.

My mate just walked into Carphone Warehouse, held the manager at gunpoint and made her top up his mobile phone for free. Full credit to him.

I’ve misplaced the bottom of all my shoes somehow. I’m going to have to do some sole searching.

My wife is in a band called ‘Golden Showers.’ She’s had more number one hits than Madonna.

News Headline: “Police save woman trapped in bog.” … we’ve all been there.

Why didn’t the tan cross the road? Cos of the sine

I wanted to see if my local builders were busy by looking at their website… But it was under construction.

I was excited to hear my mates had organised a weekend of parachuting but it was a big disappointment. I thought we were going to be hunting crippled athletes.

I’m sick and twisted. I have a curvature of the spine that causes me to vomit sporadically.