Category: wordplay

A dress of Amy Winehouse sold for 43,200 today. That sounds excessive, but you have to remember a lot of needlework went into it.

Tories. Putting the ‘n’ in cuts

My wife got home from work so I drew her a nice, deep, hot bath. And wrote some cleaning instructions underneath it. Then I drew an oven.

I think I’ve gone mental. Here I am, trying to work out an anagram of the word ‘grown’. It’s not a joke guys, please don’t laugh. It’s just wrong.

I was looking for a new job today and came across a really well paid one as a human hat stand. Not much job security though, you can lose your job at the drop of a hat.

I was quite happy when I saw my phone bill tonight. Frank my fridge and Mike the microwave seemed a tad jealous though.

Am I a loud dyslexic? Not quiet.

Girls are all over me when I tell them I work as a red arrow. Really I hold the sign in the high street that points you in the direction of Currys.

I’m got an illness which makes me cheer at random moments. Whooping cough.

I’ve just seen a hedgehog being thrown out of a pub. He was spiking everybody’s drinks.

My ultra conservative local priest said he would ban me from the church if I don’t try to reconcile with my ex-wife either way I’m facing excommunication

I had to quit my job as a comedic fashion designer. I didn’t have enough material.

I keep seeing the signs “Polling Station” today, its so wrong, they come to our country… Working in coffee shops or wash cars for a living, and they get their own stations

An unnamed chef has been sacked for always serving dry and tasteless meals. No more Mr. Rice Guy.

My grandfather had a very short-lived breathing problem. He drowned.