Category: wordplay

Went for a job interview as a comouflage expert last week. I didn’t turn up, and i got the job!!

I’ve been getting people to throw their spare change on an escalator for Children In Need. So far I’ve managed to raise nearly three thousand pounds.

I don’t like it when homeless people get sunburnt. Because if there’s one thing I hate it’s a sore loser.

Just saw a Mack truck with a sign saying “carrying oversized load.” All I can think is ” that’s headed for some poor girls face.”

During my boring job on a production line filling various drinks containers,I often contemplate stealing one but I never do. I just bottle it every time.

The parents of the school boy that was mauled to death in norway have just released a statement to the norwegien government they said “We know it was wrong and it should never have happened but we are not going to bear a grudge”

My friends say the fact that my wife is a gold digger is bad, but I love it. She’s away all day in those mines.

Just about to watch Momento. It was great.

Jill broke her finger today. But on the other hand she was completely fine.

I heard one of the best jokes I’ve ever heard in my life yesterday! It was about an anti-climax.

I’ve had this ringing in my ears for 3 hours and when I went to phone the doctors I noticed I had 96 missed calls.

I refuse to use similes like a fat kid refuses cake.

My friend has got a fetish for certain types of stationery. Helix rulers.

Everyone laughed when I started my degree in locksmithing. But it’s really opened some doors for me.

I had to sack an employee last week for coming to work dressed as a playing card. If there’s one thing I won’t tolerate in my office, it’s jokers.