Category: wordplay

I made a name for myself working in the British deed poll offices.

BBC Sport: “Carroll to start against France” You know Christmas is approaching when the racist chants get festive

I came home from work early today and caught my wife in bed with another bloke. I was angry but I refrained from going ballistic. I opted for a melee weapon instead.

“I’d like to buy this chess set please” “How will you be paying, sir?” “Check mate”..

What floats Elton John’s boat? Flamboyancy.

Taking advantage of the great weather, I was in the sun earlier Which is why I’m up on charges for incest…

French anthropologist Claude Levi-Strauss has died at the age of 100. Longevity must have been in his jeans?

I slept in today. Because it was cold outside.

David Cameron is in Mexico for the G-20 Summit. Today he met with Russia’s Vladimir Putin. He said ‘I think your communist policies are a danger to the world.’ There’s no word on how David responded.

I’ve just swallowed some peroxide. I think I’m going to dye.

I was tidying up with the kids, today. That’ll teach them to play poker with their pocket money.

I don’t trust carpenters, they’re a crafty bunch.

I was stood in the train station this morning when a girl slipped onto the lines and got her foot stuck. “Help!” She screamed. “I don’t want to die this way!” So I ran over and slit her throat.

My mate dropped a box of Italian pastries on the floor. I cannoli imagine what he must be going through.

Has anyone seen them coloured contact lenses? In my eyes, they look stupid.