Category: wordplay

I have a miniature cat. It was born a normal kitten but I only fed it condensed milk.

When people say ‘He’s an unsavoury character’, doesn’t that mean he’s sweet?

I went to a party hosted by T Mobile last night. I got really drunk and kept trying to change the tunes that the DJ was playing. Not only that, but I projectile vomited all over the dance floor and started a fight that turned into a saloon style brawl involving a number of people. […]

Is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away… or is it just one of Granny’s myths?

Giving up drugs is hard, but I’ll have a crack at it.

“Dr, Dr. I’ve swallowed a chickpea, I think I might die”. “Sorry sir, I can’t find a pulse”.

Wish I hadn’t bought a house in Grimsby. Neighbours from Hull.

I remember when they turned down my first application to become a Big Issue seller. I had to beg.

It was the Christmas fun day at the homeless shelter parlour. You should have seen their little starving faces light up during the bingo when I said we were playing for a house.

Pharaoh nough. A rather laid back Egyptian king.

Supposedly , 50% of Africans have to walk over a mile for clean water. I think that’s a bit far-fetched.

I just heard about that school on the Isle of Sheppy where kids were sitting an exam and the roof collapsed, seriously injuring 4 pupils. I was absolutely astonished. They have schools on the Isle of Sheppy?? EDIT: To Yanks voting this down because they don’t get it, just replace “Isle of Sheppy” with AMERICA

I enjoy listening to Scottish music on my och aye pod

My local pub has recently undergone a make-over to attract a younger crowd, they’ve done it all out in black and are targetting the emo/goth kids in the area. It’s now called The Self ‘Arms.

I was arrested for stealing an electric car after the battery ran flat. I was released without charge.