Category: wordplay

I got 12 years for killing a man who interupted me… i cant wait to finish my sentence.

‘Man holds hostages because of HGV License’. Wow-The HGV Test has changed since i took it.

I didn’t have the best childhood. My dad used to beat me and my siblings. He was far better at scrabble than us.

I think my doctor fancies me. He said I have acute paranoia.

The easiest kind of ‘ship’ to wreck is a relation’ship’. Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot about the French Navy. Make that 20,000th easiest.

For her birthday, my wife said she wanted a locket. I didn’t even know she had a sore throat.

I always get my wife the same two things on our anniversary. An excuse and an apology.

My girlfriend is getting too big for her boots. I’d forgotten how fast they grow at that age.

I went to Liverpool to watch the Grand National, but I never got into the course to see the race. I was refused Aintree.

A lot of people use idioms, but they’re not my cup of tea.

Hey, did you know that if you rearrange the letters of ‘Tescos’… … you’ll get kicked off the premises.

My wife made me a cup of coffee earlier. I’d left it there for a while and when I went to drink some, I noticed it had a skin on top. I wish she’d see the doctor about her eczema.

enrolled in parachute school the other week, unfortunately i had to drop out

THE PEOPLE: Pole dancing at 3 Better make it quick, I’ve got a doctor’s appointment at 5:30.

The manager of DFS has been spotted outside the local primary school giving away suites