Category: wordplay

A mate of mine is a bit worried about his 8-year old daughter. She’s not integrating well with the other kids at school. I think she’s a bit young to be doing calculus.

I’m a cold, calculating sort of person. I do my accounting in a fridge.

Last time I was in Rome, I went to see the Spanish Steps. Worst tribute band ever.

It is actually impossible to get a modern digital camera out of focus. They only sell DIY stuff.

I’ll admit I’ve never been the biggest fan of the NHS. But when I recently had a labotomy on the NHS it totally changed my mind.

I went to see a counsellor. I told him, “I feel really angro, very encshus, and I’m parinod.” “Sounds like you have trouble expressing your emotions,” he told me.

Sometimes I randomly draw my wife’s face and hang it on a wall in the house without her knowing. It’s a poor trait.

I thought I had all the angles covered but I still failed my Geometry exam.

The sky was dark, the moon was high; All alone, just her and I. Her hair was so soft; her eyes so blue, I knew just what she wanted to do. Her skin so soft; her legs so fine, I ran my fingers down her spine. I didn’t know how, but I tried my best; […]

was at my Pianist Uncles funeral today. It was very low-key.

My mate just asked me to be usher at his wedding. He can’t afford a band and loves his R&B.

I was going to crack another joke about the Periodic Table. I then decided I didn’t want to make a Copper, Neutronium of myself…

My wife said, “I’m sick of these strange looks you keep giving me” Which shattered my confidence as her personal stylist.

I hate working in the bubble bath factory. Ray docks all my wages.

I don’t see what the big deal is. Meerkats all look the same to me.