Category: wordplay

So is Beth Ditto’s real name Beth Beth?

There was a french homeless man down my local high street who claimed for a quid we could see the “biggest shoe” complete con man, I ended up walking off aggrieved with a poor quality magazine

Just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and can’t get it out! I’ll tell you what, i’m in a right pickle!

There’s two kinds of people I really hate. Those who put animals into words And hippocrites.

What do football teams and American soldiers have in common? Neither really care about friendlies.

People who jump queue are out of line.

Guy 1: “I’ve just stolen a pool inflatable and I think the police are after me, what should I do? Guy 2: “Lie low?” Guy 1: “Nah it was a rubber ring”

I just had a heated argument with my wife. She’s probably right, I really should get the central heating fixed.

Been trying to work out why my pen isn’t working all day and it’s just clicked…

Top tip of the day: Dont make chicken impressions in a public place. I got arrested for using foul language.

A rolling stone gathers no moss. Why would they when they have booze, women, cocaine and heroin?

I’ve just spent 10 grand on a swimming pool for my garden with a high diving board. I just thought I’d splash out.

This random guy came up to me in the street and said, “Hey, brother from another mother!” It was charming but, nevertheless, a cruel way to find out that I’m adopted.

My flatmate keeps nicking my memory stick. He really gets my back up.

I saw barrel of oil perform at a comedy club the other day. He was slick but his jokes were crude.