Category: wordplay

I saw a girl walking down the street struggling to carry a huge flight of stairs I pulled up beside her, smiled, and said “Need a lift?”

I visited a specialist last Friday who promised to turn me schizophrenic within a week. I’ve just received the invoice.

My wife stared down in disbelief. “Those scales are all wrong!” she shouted. The lad was on the verge of tears, “I never wanted to learn the piano in the first place!”

You’ve got nothing too lose and perhaps a lot to gain Not exactly what the parents of my comatose wife wanted to hear in regards to turning of the life support machine.

I was playing a racing game with my son when I started to beat him, He’s got a black eye but i won the race!

BBC news: Free schools in England set for extra 600m to combat poor maths and English results. Wow that’s nearly 250 million each!

So we were seeing who’s laptop could burn a disc the fastest. It was a disc race.

My Grandad’s now moved into sheltered accommodation. He’s gone completely mad and lives at a bus stop.

I can’t stand when people call me names. John or Eric would’ve been fine but my parents thought they were funny.

Great, it’s Thursday and my mother-in-law’s cooking tonight. She’s being cremated.

Feeling adventurous at work? Have a Kit-Kat when you’re not on a break.

The Italian government have proposed to reproduce the Leaning Tower of Pisa at sea. But reports say that in this economic climate it will Costa too much.

A man is stranded in the desert and has not eaten or drunk anything for nearly 36 hours. He is about to die. Amazingly, as he stumbles through the sand, he comes to three market stalls. The man (half-thinking he must be hallucinating) approaches the first stall and demands, “I need water, sell me some […]

After chopping my wood earlier, I think it’s safe to say it’s a lot wiser to just let a surgeon handle your vasectomy.

I gave my mate an over-inflated balloon for his birthday. It didn’t go down very well.