Category: wordplay

I just thought of a great name for my new brothel that i’ve opened up. I couldn’t have it though, apparently “Gash4Gold” was already taken?

Desperate Scousewives starts tonight. I bet they steal the show.

Accidently just put eye drops in my ears. I can see what im hearing.

I went shopping the other day to get away from the wife. When I got back she asked me what I bought. I said “I bought a sausage dog” She said “Awwww u bought me a pet” I said “No, I went to the butchers”

“I’m sending you to prison for 3 months”, said the judge. “What’s the charge?”, I asked. “There’s no charge, everything’s free!”, replied the judge.

A recent news article claimed that the Mona Lisa was the most beautiful woman in history. She’s not bad, but she’s no oil painting.

My girlfriend was devastated to find out that my mates call me ‘The Love Machine’ because I’m terrible at tennis.

My wife said she’s leaving me because of my false optimism. Oh well, she’ll be back tomorrow.

My wife’s been in labour for eight months now and she’s still getting bigger every day. She could only get a job as a brick-layer after KFC fired her.

This inflation rate is great. I pumped my tyres in under 10 seconds.

I’ve had my fair share of illegal highs. im a midget and often visit theme parks.

I was in an Australian prison and I heard the guard shout “We’ve bought you a new cell mate” I said “Good, this one is cramped and has no window”

I smoked weed when I was in university. I did it in snow, I did it in sleet, I even did it in rain, but I did not inhale.

Apparently some African bishop’s into his ballroom dancing. It takes Tutu Tango.

As an athlete I’ve always struggled with running events, so today I’ve decided to try the javelin, hammer and discus. I’m having a field day.