Category: wordplay

I hate Posters. They’re all stuck up.

I was playing a game of Pictionary and it was my turn. My card said ‘A type of ammunition’. I drew a blank.

I was playing Scrabble with my mates, and I had the letters: C, R, T, U, I, N and A. If I had an S, it was curtains for me.

The bigger my wife gets, the more exciting I find her. She keeps me on the edge of my bed.

Some people say that I don’t understand how to use simple catchphrases, but I guess that’s just the way the other half live.

I’m taking my caravan on holiday this summer. It’s much better company than my wife.

My best mate thinks that David Villa will be the World Cup top goalscorer by miles, but I still reckon it could be Klose.

I was at my local garden centre today, and saw a sign saying 80% off garden gates. It sounded too good to be true. I looked closely. Where’s the catch?

As soon as I introduced myself to her, last night’s date just walked away and never came back. Not to worry, It ended on a Hi.

Ever since my Chinese mate’s dad developed Alzheimer’s, his sense of humor has broadened immensely. Hoo’s laughing now.

I was down the pub last night with my mates when I spotted the wife chatting up the barman. I got hold of her, took her outside and gave her a Sepp Blatter, or what`s more commonly known as a backhander.

Ironically all the haemorrhoid books at the local library are stacked in piles.

A mate of mine got terminated for persistent misbehaviour at his job today. I thought that was a bit harsh. Couldn’t they just have fired him?

I opened up a business selling trampolines to Eastern Europeans, but it’s not going well… the Czechs keep bouncing.

Looks like I could meet my maker tomorrow… I might pop round my dad’s.