Category: wordplay

I was so drunk last night that I slept on a clothes horse. I woke up hung over the next morning.

Why did the polish man cross the road? Because the other side was dirty.

Just got engaged to a pencil. Can’t wait to introduce everyone to my wife 2B.

I’ve got myself a job as a primary school caretaker. I don’t know about the care bit, but I’m definitely taking one of them.

The boomerang is Australia’s biggest export. (And then import.)

My wife said to me “I sense that your feelings towards me are rather ambivalent”. I replied “Well, yes and no”.

Leave glue-sniffers alone. They get enough stick as it is.

My teenage son came home last night wearing a brand new pair of trainers. I said to him, “Where did you get them from, I hope you didn’t get them from looting?”. No, he replied, “I got them in Hackney.”

My wife’s making jams today. She’s gone out driving.

I remember when my parents died, all they left me was a globe. It meant the world to me….

I once had my ankles broken by a traveling magician. He was a hard act to follow.

I thought I’d finished my sudoku but it turned out I’d made a mistake right at the start. I had to go back to square one.

Our local bus company are running a Sunday service this bank holiday. I wonder what hymns we’ll be singing.

What’s the definition of a mistress. An object in between Mr and mattress.

ITV+1. The amount of TV channels in Wales.